“How does that feel in your body?”
While hanging out with my gen-z kids and their friends over the Christmas holidays, I was able to get caught up with some pop-culture humor. For example, calling Christmas the ‘giving season’ apparently can also be read with a cynical influencer voice as ‘I don't know, Christmas is giving…..season.’ Another one that came up was how the cliché therapist statement “How does that make you feel?” has changed to “How does that feel in your body?” This was met with laughter and more questions like “What does that mean?!” and “I get so sick of my therapist saying that!”
It seems an explanation is needed for why therapists are asking this question more and more.
Fully Experiencing
Think back to when you were a child and how you experienced the world in a way that was more vivid, sensory rich, and filled with wonderment. Kids’ experiences are much more immersive than adults’ as they have not yet mastered the practice of ruminating over the past or worrying about the future. As adults, however, our experiences become more blunted and stifled.
Diminishment of the fullness of our experiences is an understandable response to the expectations we place upon ourselves (consciously or unconsciously). Messages about how we should look, feel, think, and behave are constantly rained upon us from family, friends, co-workers, society in general, and, most powerfully, from within ourselves. For example, messages that encourage us to keep up a ‘strong’ and attractive appearance, can covertly persuade us to hide any vulnerability. The hiding becomes a drain on our attention and energy, resources that could otherwise be utilized to enjoy the present moment. Trauma of the ‘big T’ and ‘little t’ types can also lead to a numbing or blunting of experience. This automatic mechanism of defense is helpful initially in modulating intensity of traumatic events. However, this defense mechanism can become a hindrance to healing if opportunities for fully experiencing the arc of injury, healing, and recovery never arrive.
The increased frequency of therapists asking “How does that feel in your body?” emanates from more awareness of detrimental effects of stifling aspects of ourselves--lowering of mood, feelings of alienation, and anxiety. Counseling theorists of Gestalt, Internal Family Systems, Person Centered, Somatic, and trauma-centered theories teach us the therapeutic value of accessing the fullness of experience in counseling sessions. ‘Fullness,’ here, means entering into our experiences with our multiple dimensions of thinking, feeling, doing, sensing, intuiting, and imagining. Rather than simply verbalizing and intellectualizing about our experiences, we can learn to enter into our experiences in an embodied way, thus reaping the healing and growth benefits. When we allow the multiple aspects of ourselves to fully experience, we offer ourselves the opportunity to deeply process our thoughts, feelings, dreams, and memories.
‘Processing’ in Therapy
What does it mean to “process” our experiences?
Processing in a therapeutic sense can be understood by the metaphor of eating. When we eat, the phases of digestion break down food into smaller parts through chewing, squeezing, and various chemical processes. These processes deconstruct the food into its constituent parts, separating out the nutrients so that we can absorb them. These nutrients can then be integrated into our bodies (think calcium and bones) in ways that contribute to our flourishing. In the final phase of digestion, our body naturally lets go of what is no longer useful. Following this, there may be a burst of energy allowing us to proceed with more energy.
In therapy we process our life experiences by revisiting them, often repeatedly, within the safety of the therapeutic relationship. We begin with stories in their raw form, often fragmented, chaotic, confusing, hopeless, and lacking meaning. Over the course of therapy, we revisit past experiences from many different vantage points using various techniques. Techniques are selected based on culture, personal characteristics, strengths and areas of needed development. We may use dialogue, letter writing, journaling, empty chair techniques, guided meditation, mindfulness practice, and contemplation. Each of these counseling activities is akin to the various digestive phases needed to break down and transform psychological material making it useful to us.
To ensure fully processing material brought out in therapy, consistent attention to experiences of the body is needed. Counseling knowledge has expanded resulting in the understanding that memories, emotions, and psychological symptoms are rooted not only in the mind, but in the body. When we fail to attend to the signals of the body—muscle tension, changes in breathing, subtle visceral and tactile sensations—we ignore information and insights that are essential to our healing.
Fluidity, Plasticity, and Integration
As we process our experiences, we may remember the sensory aspects of them such as the smells, tactile sensations, and sounds associated with the experiences. Recalling and attending to these sensorial aspects of memories helps us shift from merely intellectualizing to actually processing experiences. In this, we shift from seeing ourselves in an objective way (think fly on the wall perspective) to a subjective way (from the inside). Inviting this immediate way of experiencing allows our brain and body to integrate fragments of the experience, sensory bits as well as thoughts and feelings. The result is a more coherent (opposite of chaotic and confusing) understanding of our past, present, and future selves. From this more coherent conceptualization of our experience, we can extract the ‘nutrients’ of insight and meaning.
Perhaps a more important reason for activating these sensorial aspects of memories, is the engagement of plasticity of memories. You may have learned about research revealing that our memories are often inaccurate and highly malleable. Perhaps you have had the experience of ‘remembering’ something happening to yourself when it actually happened to a sibling. Sometimes we wonder, ‘did I dream that, or did it happen?’ Further, there can be ‘false memories’ where individuals have been convinced that they witnessed or experienced something that did not happen. Experientially, time loses meaning as events of the past can sometimes feel as if they are happening in the present (think flashbacks). The fluidity and plasticity of memories may, at first be disconcerting, but it is this quality that allows for psychological healing and growth.
Memory fluidity and plasticity allow us to actually change our experience of past events on physical and psychological levels. In this we can retain the story of what we remember happening, but can alter the way we experience the psychological outcomes of the event. By deconstructing memories and using therapeutic techniques that activate our imaginal abilities, we can insert helpful elements (resources, allies, etc.) into memories.
The imagination is a powerful resource for the therapeutic process. Perhaps you have noticed that the imagination can affect the body (read any romances lately?). Additionally, the psyche, which includes the imagination, defies concept of ‘reality.’ This is why mind-altering drugs like LSD and Ayahuasca can produce experiences that seem ‘real’ like talking trees and rainbows radiating from the dog.
Healing happens when our powerful resource of the imagination is applied to our malleable memories. New decisions and beliefs can be formulated by integrating our current resources into the memory of our past self. The result is a new memory and a new story with an alternative ending that exists in parallel with the historical ending. Honoring the new outcome that exists in our inner world, with the help of the therapist as witness, reflects healing. In this way, a memory of being assaulted can be transformed into a reminder of strength and resilience rather than terror and shame.
Implicit and Autobiographic Memory
Another aspect of memory affecting psychological growth and healing is implicit versus autobiographical memory. While autobiographical memory allows us to recall the story of what happened, implicit memory operates under the surface of our awareness. To understand implicit memory, think of driving. If you had to explain to someone exactly how to move your arms and legs to drive, you may struggle. This is true despite the ease you may feel while actually driving. Your memory of how to drive is implicit in that it is automatic and integrated into your body experience. Body memory or muscle memory are other ways of referring to implicit memory.
With developed body awareness and close attention, you may notice that your memories of life events are laced with implicit, body-based memories. This makes sense when you consider that all aspects of our being (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, etc.) are interconnected. This is why you may notice your breathing slowing down when you remember or imagine being in a peaceful place. Or perhaps your muscles tense when you think of a stressful time. Often, like in these two examples above, we are fully aware of the meaning of our body signals. But, consider that there are times when our bodies are signaling, but we are not aware of it because we have blocked our awareness. As explained above, this habitual blunting can be a defense mechanism that has served a positive coping purpose in the past but is, nevertheless, still operating. Blunted or numbed-out experiences can also be the result of unconscious ‘hiding’ of our authentic responses to life, a habit developed to keep us safe in environments that were not accepting of our needs and feelings.
There are times when our bodies send signals that we definitely detect, but we do not understand what the signals mean. For example, we may experience headaches, gastro-intestinal problems, or panic attacks without any warning or understanding of the psychological contributors to these symptoms. Attending to these subtle body signals can be a first step in decoding psychological material that is out of our awareness but affecting our experience. Body experiences that are mindfully noticed and studied can yield insights such as uncovered (previously) unconscious beliefs that color and structure our life. By attending to, observing, and studying our internal, embodied experience, we can discover patterns occurring in our mind-body system.
Patterns of Mind and Body
Psychological growth and healing are facilitated when we recognize the patterns that are activated in the mind and body in response to our thoughts and feelings. Though it’s possible (and healthy) to label our feelings, this is only the beginning of learning to regulate and navigate our internal states. If we pay close attention, we can recognize that the body and mind have a sort of ongoing conversation as we experience daily life. For example, when we have anxiety, there is a body experience, like tension in the shoulders or shallow breathing. Since the human mind is a meaning-making entity, an automatic interpretation happens (below the level of awareness) and signals us that there may be a problem or danger. This signaling can come in the form of the emotion of fear generating vigilance as we look for the problem. As the emotion of fear colors our experience, worry thoughts are activated, producing and sustaining more body reactions and emotions. Thus, the body-mind works like a self-sustaining system. This kind of activation of the body-mind system compounds and amplifies experiences such as anxiety (rumination, anyone?).
Conversely, when we learn to track these body-mind conversations, we can enter into them with our resourceful parts—our wise parts, inner encouragers, self-compassionate parts, inner problem solvers, courageous parts, and our potent Self (the part with the most awareness). Guided by these parts, we can interrupt the vicious cycle by changing our body experience (i.e. mindful breathing, taking a walk, or doing yoga), inserting helpful self-talk (challenging negative thoughts with critical thinking), or generating soothing or inspiring feelings (visualizing ourselves as strong and courageous). Thus, taking an active role (both internally and in the five sensory world), lets us break old patterns that generate and sustain anxiety and depression. Through navigating our internal worlds of body and mind experiences, we assist ourselves in processing our experiences in ways that are conducive to healing.
When therapists ask “How does that feel in your body?” they are offering an invitation to more fully enter into an experience. Further, they are facilitating insights about patterns of thoughts, feelings, and body reactions. When you think about it, talking about experiences slowly and while attending to the body, mind, and feelings states is different from the way we talk to our friends in the regular world. While talking with others in the regular world, we often recite a narrative that is primarily intellectual and devoid of deep experience. Rarely do we pause to ‘listen in’ to our bodies. While recounting the story may be a useful way of connecting with others, helping us feel a sense of belonging and support, it may not result in deep and lasting healing benefits. In the safety of therapy, however, through reflecting on questions like “How does that feel in your body?” we can maximize the potential for healing and growth and move ourselves forward in our life journey.
References
Cozolino, L. (2002). The neuroscience of psychotherapy: Building and rebuilding the human brain (Norton series on interpersonal neurobiology). W. W. Norton & Company.
Fisher, J. (2017). Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors: Overcoming internal self-alienation. Taylor & Francis.
Kolk, B. A. (2015). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin Books.
Levine, P. A. (2012). In an unspoken voice: How the body releases trauma and restores goodness. North Atlantic Books.
Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the body: A sensorimotor approach to psychotherapy (Norton series on interpersonal neurobiology). W. W. Norton & Company.
Schwartz, R. C. (2013). Internal family systems therapy. Guilford Publications.
Steele, K., Boon, S., & Hart, O. V. (2016). Treating trauma-related dissociation: A practical, integrative approach (Norton series on interpersonal neurobiology). W. W. Norton & Company.
